Here Without You
by JAGgedIverson
Summary: Harm hears a song on the radio and gets an idea. SONGFIC! Sorry it took so long, hopefully chapter four will be up by wednesday!
1. Default Chapter

Title: Here Without You Author: JAGgedIverson Rating: G or PG (Depending on your perspective) Summary: Harm hears a song on the radio and thinks of Mac. SONGFIC!!  
  
Disclaimer: I think we all know that the characters and the actors that play them are not mine. And if they were JAG would not suck right now!!! Oh, and another thing: The song "Here Without You" is not mine. It belongs to 3 Doors Down.  
  
Monday Night Harm's Apartment  
  
Harm sat in his apartment, alone. He laughed at the irony of it; he was always alone. As he sat, nursing a beer, he thought about how he always thought it would be better to live alone. Not having to worry about anybody but you. He always thought that would be the easiest way. Not anymore. He realized to complete his life he needed someone to love and love him back. And he didn't want just anybody; he wanted the one person he'd pushed away. Of course, it would be his luck that he realizes this after she was gone. So, he sat in his apartment, alone, thinking of ways to get her back.  
  
When he was tired of thinking he turned on the radio, just to fill the silence, and sat in his chair. He was dozing when the chorus of a song broke through the sleep-induced haze and made him start thinking again.  
  
I'm here without you, baby  
  
But you're still on my lonely mind I think about you baby And I dream about you all the time  
  
I'm here without you, baby But you're still in my dreams And tonight girl it's only you and me  
  
That totally explained how he felt about Mac. As he listened to the rest of the song, an idea started to formulate in his mind.  
  
****  
  
Tuesday Afternoon JAG HQ Mac's Office  
  
"Enter." Mac said, without looking up.  
  
Harriet poked her head into the office and said, "Ma'am, you have a delivery. Where would you like me to put it?"  
  
Mac looked up from her paperwork to see Harriet holding a box. "Oh, um. Just give it to me."  
  
Harriet did as requested and left Mac alone to open the box. Mac looked at the box, bewildered. She hadn't ordered anything lately besides her new dinosaur kits, but those weren't supposed to come for another couple months. Besides, those were supposed to be delivered to her apartment; she definitely wouldn't have them delivered to JAG.  
  
After getting a pair of scissors, she cut the tape off one side and opened it. After she removed the crumpled paper she reached inside and took out the contents. It was wrapped in brown packing paper and shaped like a smaller box. She took the paper off and stared at the object. It was a framed picture of her and Harm at Little AJ's christening. She was holding the baby and Harm had his arm around her shoulders. They were both looking at the little bundle in her arms and were unaware that the picture was being taken.  
  
If she closed her eyes she could still feel the way it felt to have his arm around her, holding her close. She could still feel the warmth of his body against hers. She loved the way they looked in this picture. They looked like a family.  
  
Who would send this to her? She picked up the box again and looked for a return address but found none. After deciding she would look into it later, she propped the picture up on her desk and got back to work.  
  
****  
  
Tuesday Evening Mac's apartment  
  
After getting home that evening Mac set the picture on the coffee table and started working on finding out who sent it. She spent the majority of the evening on the phone with various people from the shipping company. From the secretary all the way up to the general manager, and all of them told that the information she was looking for was confidential. Even after she told them that she was a marine colonel all they could offer was the name of their supervisor. She finally gave up around eight-thirty and decide she would let whoever sent her the picture remain anonymous.  
  
When a sharp knock sounded at the door, interrupting her favorite TV program, she got up to answer it.  
  
"Who is it?" Mac questioned.  
  
"Delivery for a Sarah Mackenzie." The voice answered.  
  
Mac opened the door and signed for the package. It wasn't really a package; it was more an envelope with bubble wrap inside. She tore open one end and shook out what was inside. A CD and a smaller envelope fell out. 


	2. Chapter 2

Mac picked up the envelope and flipped it over. All it said was, Sarah. She immediately recognized the handwriting as Harm's. She opened the envelope and took out the folded piece of paper and began reading.  
  
Sarah,  
  
I'm writing this letter to you so I can say all the things I couldn't tell you face to face. You might think this is the coward's way out, but it's the only way I can get my feelings straight. So, here it goes. When you said we could never work it felt as if someone had stabbed me through the heart. Part of me died when you said those words. I know it sounds clichéd, but it's true. I'm not telling you this because I want you to feel bad, I don't think you would anyway. I'm telling you this simply to let you know. I know you said it would be physically impossible for us to be together, but that just means you're too tired of trying. I don't blame you; I've made it the hardest thing in your life. I'm sorry that I've hurt you. I don't blame you for giving up on us. But I want you to know that I will never give up. Even if you hate my guts, I will always love you. I thought I made that clear when I resigned my commission to travel to Paraguay in order to save you, but that's my mistake. So, since my actions weren't good enough I'll say it. I love you, Sarah Mackenzie. I don't really know when it happened, but I know that I love you. Even if you never feel the same, I'll wait for you. You may think that we're not right for each other, but the way I see it we may not be right for anybody else. I love you, Sarah, and only you. Forever.  
  
Love Always and Forever, Harm  
  
Mac swiped at the tears rolling down her cheeks, but that didn't stop them from falling. She hadn't realized that Harm felt this strongly about her. She knew he loved her and cared for her, but she always thought it was more of a protective brotherly kind of love. She never in a million years thought he would love her the way he explained in the letter.  
  
After she read over it another time she remembered the CD that came with the letter. She got up and put the CD in the stereo. After hitting play she sat back down on the couch and grabbed the picture that had come earlier that day. She sat staring at the picture as the words flowed through the speakers.  
  
A hundred day had made me older Since the last time that I saw your pretty face A thousand lights had made me colder And I don't think I can look at this the same  
  
But all the miles had separate They disappeared now when I'm dreaming of your face  
  
I'm here without you baby But you're still on my lonely mind I think about you baby And I dream about you all the time  
  
I here without you baby But you're still with me in my dreams And tonight its only you and me  
  
The miles just keep rolling As the people either wave to say hello I hear this live is overrated But I hope it gets better as we go  
  
I'm here without you baby But you're still on my lonely mind I think about you baby And I dream about you all the time  
  
I'm here without you baby But you're still with me in my dreams And tonight girl it's only you and me  
  
Everything I know, and anywhere I go It gets hard but it won't take away my love And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done It gets hard but it won't take away my love  
  
I'm here without baby But you're still on my lonely mind I think about you baby And I dream about you all the time  
  
I'm here without you baby But you're still with me in my dreams And tonight girl it's only and me  
  
As the song ended Mac's vision blurred to the point that the figures in the picture became nothing but blurred blobs. Now that she knew Harm felt the same way she did, she realized; how what she said in Paraguay affected him. He probably wasn't that far off when he said he felt like he had died. How could she have been so blind? When she thought back on everything that had happened in the last eight years she saw all the signs. When he kissed on the dock at Norfolk he wasn't kissing Diane, he was kissing her. At her engagement party when he kissed her on the Admiral's porch he wasn't kissing goodbye, it was his way of expressing his feelings. And just a couple weeks ago when he resigned his commission he was showing her what he would give up in order to have. And what did she do? She shoves it right back in his face. And the most amazing thing was the fact that he still loved her, and wanted her. At that moment Mac knew she had never known a more forgiving man. After all she put him through, he forgave all she'd done and laid his heart on the line. And at that same moment she realized she'd never loved another man more. Realizing what she had to do, Mac got up and after grabbing her car keys she left the apartment.  
  
****  
  
Harm was sitting in his chair, playing his guitar, and thinking about Mac. He couldn't get her out of his mind. All day long he'd try to concentrate on work, but she was always distracting him. Not that he minded at all. He'd wondering what she would think about his letter. It had taken him all last night to write it. His wastebasket was overflowing with similar copies of his letter. He felt like he had used and thrown away at least 200 pieces of paper. By the time he had finished the one he sent his hand had a cramp the size of Montana and he felt like he had laid face down in the sand with his eyes open. When he finally went to bed it was four- thirty in the morning and he had to be at work at nine. So, needless to say, he was a tad bit tired. Think God all he had to do was fill out reports. If he'd had fly a plane he probably would've crashed. He drank cup after cup of coffee but nothing had woken him up enough to stop the nodding off that had happened all day. But, now that he was home he couldn't fall asleep. Every time he closed his eyes he saw her.  
  
He almost had a heart attack when a sharp knock broke the silence in his apartment. He looked at the clock on the wall and knew that only one person would knock on his door at eleven-thirty at night: Mac. 


	3. Chapter 3

He put his guitar aside and went to the door. He opened the door to reveal Mac, soaking wet and shivering. "Mac, why are you all wet?"  
  
Mac chuckled and shook her head. "You obviously haven't looked outside. It's raining like crazy."  
  
"Well, come in. Why don't you go sit down on the couch and I'll get you some clothes to change into." Harm left Mac and went to grab the smallest pair of sweats he owned along with one of his old academy sweatshirts. When he walked back out in the living room Mac was standing at the window looking out into the rain. "Here you go, Mac. Uh, you can use the bathroom to change. Feel free to use some towels, too."  
  
"Thanks, Harm." Mac took the clothes that he held out and walked back into the bathroom.  
  
When she came back out Harm had two cups of coffee in his hands and was sitting don on the couch. He held one of the cups out to her and said, "I thought you might want some coffee to warm you up."  
  
She smiled her thanks and sat down next to him.  
  
"So, Mac, why are you here?" Harm asked after two minutes of silence.  
  
"I, um, I got your letter. And the CD. I thought about calling, but I knew that this had to be done in person."  
  
"What had to be done in person, Mac?" Harm questioned.  
  
Mac set her cup on the coffee table before scooting closer and taking Harm's hand in hers. She knew she had to do this before she lost her courage. She had rehearsed what she was going to say on the drive over. But now that she was here and those alarmingly blue eyes were looking at her she forgot all the words she was supposed to say. But as she looked down at their joined hands she knew she could do this. She found her strength in remembering his words 'I love you, Sarah, and only you.' She took a deep breath and looked up into his eyes.  
  
"What I said in Paraguay-"  
  
"Mac, I completely deserved what you said to me in Paraguay. I acted like a jerk. It's just that when I saw you kiss Webb, well, let's just say I wasn't too happy about it. When we got back home I thought about how I acted and I wanted to apologize, but I was afraid you didn't want anything to do with me. So, in turn, I let you have your space and didn't talk to you for months. I'm sorry, Sarah, I just want you to know that."  
  
"No, Harm, I'm sorry. I said those things when I was mad. I didn't think how what I said would affect you. But I didn't come here to talk about. Well, it sorta fits with what I'm saying, but I'll get to that later. What I really came here to tell you is: I love you, Harmon Rabb, and no one else. I'm not exactly sure when it happened either, but I do know one thing. I love you and want to be with you for as long as I possibly can."  
  
Harm tightened his grip on her hand and entwined his fingers with hers. Knowing that she wasn't finished saying what she had to say he kept quite.  
  
Again, Mac looked down at their joined hands. After a couple seconds of quiet consideration she looked up and into his eyes once again.  
  
"You know, Harm, I never even thanked you for coming down to Paraguay. I was so concerned with how I was feeling and how Clay was feeling and how Gunny was that I totally disregarded you and how you felt. You gave up your job and everything you'd worked for you whole life and I didn't even acknowledge that. I'm so sorry." Mac paused one again, trying to recover her composure so she wouldn't break down in front of him.  
  
Harm seemed to recognize her struggle and before she could get up and move away he gathered her in his arms and held her close. He murmured soft words to her, trying to soothe her regrets and worries. He knew the moment she broke. He felt her shoulders sag and her hot tears against his chest. Her quiet hiccups and chanting of "I'm sorry" were the only sounds that filled the apartment.  
  
When the last of her tears were spent he drew back just enough so he could look into her eyes.  
  
"I knew you were great full, Mac. Even though you never said it, I knew."  
  
Mac looked at him and knew that he was serious. Again, she was amazed at how this man could forgive-and-forget. "How, Harm. How did you know? I treated you like crap the entire time we were down there. How could you possibly forgive me?"  
  
He seemed to contemplate the question before answering. "I can't really explain it to you. All I can say is that because I love you I know that no matter what happens it will always be that way. I'd forgive you even if you shot me."  
  
Mac shook her head and let out a slight chuckle before saying, "And to think all those years I thought you put up with me because you had to."  
  
"Me put up with you? I was honored to be your partner at JAG. I was amazed that you gave me your friendship. And I'm in awe that you actually love me. I'm surprised you put up with me for eight years."  
  
Just as she was going to answer there was a knock on the door. 


End file.
